Break Me Down, Buttercup
by Emma CS Me
Summary: Sort of AU-ish from "Sectionals." Rachel, onesided Finn/Will. Rachel knows what's happening.


**Break Me Down, Buttercup**

Rachel knows what's happening.

As she is neither stupid, nor suffering early-onset Alzheimer's disease, it doesn't take her long to recognize what's going on. Sure Finn always appreciated and admired Mr. Schuester, but that was okay. A healthy respect for an appropriate role model. Not now though, and it's pretty much killing her to watch.

He's a good deal less obvious about it then she was – she guesses he has to be, to avoid getting his ass kicked by everyone in school. She knows people have been hard enough on him ever since he joined this club; a stupid crush on the teacher in charge wouldn't help. No-one else seems to have figured it out yet, and Finn certainly doesn't know she knows – she's not even a hundred percent sure _he_ knows what he's feeling – but the signs seem so obvious to her. The constant need to please in rehearsal. The volunteering to stay back and help clear up. Those clumsy mistakes even _he_ shouldn't be making, so Mr. Schue will have to pay special attention to him and help him.

It's all Quinn's fault. Well, her and Puck. Rachel remembers what Suzie Pepper said to her; she may have been crazy, but she knew this territory a hell of a lot better than Rachel did back then. It was pursuing an authority figure, someone who could _never_ return the feelings, to reinforce the conviction she wasn't worthy of being loved. Something like that anyway. It's pretty apparent to her Finn is suffering the same thing – who wouldn't feel unworthy? If your best friend and your girlfriend both betray you, two of the people who are meant to care for you the _most_, of _course_ you are going to feel worthless. Of course you will wonder what is that makes you so bad, what is the reason they couldn't love you like they should have. Of course it will damage your self-esteem.

She wants to help, but she has no idea how. She's never been good with people, and she _knows _her feelings for Finn will interfere with everything. Okay, yes, she's jealous, she'll admit it. Before, she was his forbidden crush, but that was healthy – he grew attracted to a beautiful, talented young woman in the face of his failing relationship. Now, after everything, he refuses to pursue her – not only is he distracted by this self-destructive attraction to a teacher, but deep down, he doesn't think he deserves her. Doesn't think she'll love him enough; he's expecting things would the same way with her as they did with Puck and Quinn – betrayal and heartbreak. It makes her a little angry when she thinks about it; why doesn't he trust her?

However, the more rational part of her prevails – he doesn't trust anyone right now. After all, two of the people he had the _most_ faith in have completely broken that trust. He probably thought they had earned it over the years he knew them, and she's only really been in his life for half a year or so. She hasn't really done enough to earn his trust.

Deep down, she doesn't think she deserves it, but that might just be her self-esteem issues talking.

She tried to talk to him about it once; deliver the epiphany speech like Suzie did to her. He had offered to stay behind and help clear away everything for what must have been the millionth time – everyone noticed there was something kind of weird about _Finn Hudson_ offering to help clear up all the time, but no-one except her thought anything of it – and Rachel volunteered to as well. Schuester looked a little anxious when she did so, which made her feel embarrassed, but it reminded her why she was doing this.

Mr. Schue stepped out for a while, and it gave Rachel the opportunity to talk. "So," she said, trying to maintain a casual tone, "This cleaning thing? It's new. Not the kind of man I took you for, Finn."

He shrugged. "I don't really like it. Just trying to help out, you know? Give something back. After everything, Glee club has really meant a lot to me. Mr. Schue..." he trailed off uncomfortably, sucking in the inside of his cheek. "He's really helped, you know?"

Rachel bit her lip. "Finn..."

"He's just a really good teacher," said Finn, obviously trying really hard not to sound defensive and failing miserably. "He always wants to make things better, always wants to help us. He deserves us to do our best, you know?"

Rachel's mouth went dry then, and she knew she had to say something. Had to deliver her rousing speech. However, their aforementioned teacher re-entered before Rachel could pull her head back together and say something important. So all together, talking didn't work.

Rachel doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know how to help anyone, and it's all so unfair, because really, Finn's just got new-found self esteem issues, and Schue is becoming their target, like he was with hers. They haven't done anything wrong, but they'll have to figure it out – she isn't even strictly _relevant_ to the whole thing, and she feels like it's her problem. She just has no idea what to do.

Well, at least she's realized what's going on. That, at least, is something.


End file.
